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What's That Sound?
2002 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed by Darwin
(2 August 2002, Kansas) Police said an Olathe man was struck and killed by a train after his vehicle broke down on Interstate 35. His attempts at repairing his car had failed, and he had stepped away from the busy freeway to call for help, when the train engineer spotted him standing on the tracks. The engineer said the man was holding a cell phone to one ear, and cupping his hand to the other ear to block the noise of the train.


Faulty Aim Fatal
2002 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin
(7 March 2002, Colorado) When Gerald was pulled over by police for erratic driving, he decided it was better to flee from the stolen car on foot, rather than face possible jail time for a parole violation. This was the first of two successive mental lapses. Gerald’s actual thoughts are unknown, but *may* have been something like this: "The officers are only suspicious and alert now... I’ll make them hot, sweaty, tired, and angry by leading them on a wild chase through dark alleys and fields." During the subsequent foot chase, Gerald attempted to dissuade officers from the pursuit by firing a 9mm Ruger semiautomatic handgun blindly over his shoulder. This was the second illustration of a potential mental deficiency.
"Officers are running behind me. They have guns. I have a gun! They have eyes in the front of their heads, so they can see to aim at me. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, so I’ll fire wildly behind me and see what happens!" Unfortunately, Gerald appears to have been one of those folks who can't chew gum and walk at the same time. Or at least he couldn’t flee and fire at the same time. While discharging the weapon over his shoulder, Gerald managed to shoot himself in the head with his own gun, bringing the chase to a sudden
conclusion. Four shots were fired, none by the officers, who found Gerald's pistol next to his fallen body. Gerald was transported to a local hospital where he expired the following day, thus removing a set of genes deficient in both judgment and coordination from the gene pool.


Shorties: Stupid Human Tricks
2000 Darwin Award Nominee
Unconfirmed by Darwin
Robert, 37, shot himself while explaining gun safety to his wife in
Glendale, California, when he placed a .45-caliber pistol he thought was unloaded under his chin and pulled the trigger. Shovestall's wife told police that the incident occurred after her complaints about her husband's 70 guns prompted him to demonstrate their safety.

A 23-year-old bar-brawler who had been escorted out of the Turtle Club in Florida by a bouncer, sneaked back in and leaped off a
staircase, aiming a kick at another man, but was killed when he landed on his head.

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet, didn't put enough postage on a letter bomb, and it came back marked "return to sender." He opened the package and was blown away.

Two animal rights activists were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn by freeing a captive herd. Suddenly all two thousand of pigs stampeded through the gate they were opening, and trampled the hapless protesters to death.

News of the Weird reports that in September 1996 a man was crushed to death on a stairway at the Sammis Real Estate and Insurance office in Huntington, N.Y., while he was stealing the office's 600-pound safe. He apparently violated that cardinal rule of hauling massive objects: Never stand on a step lower than the one the safe is on. The safe was empty at the time of the incident.

In San Jose, California, Herman, an avid hunter, used the butt of his shotgun to bash his girlfriend's windshield during an argument. But his loaded gun accidentally discharged into his stomach, killing him and ending the argument.

"I cannot help but notice that there is no problem between us that cannot be solved by your departure."


Stoned Sleep
2000 Darwin Award Runner-Up
Confirmed True by Darwin
(26 March 2000, South Carolina) A North Carolina woman learned a hard lesson about drugs when she decided to sleep on the roof. Police reports say that Patricia and her boyfriend had been drinking and smoking marijuana, when they decided to enjoy the fresh air on the roof of the King Charles Inn. They climbed over a guard rail with pillows and blankets, and fell asleep under the stars. Sound asleep, apparently. Patricia slid off the roof and fell to her death on Hasell Street shortly before dawn on Sunday. When police arrived at the scene, the boyfriend was found still sleeping on the roof, curled up in a blanket and pillow. The death has been ruled acccidental, but we feel that the blame belongs to the stoned woman who chose to snooze on the roof.


Living on Zionist Time
1999 Darwin Awards Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin
5 September 1999, Jerusalem
In most parts of the world, the switch away from Daylight Saving Time proceeds smoothly. But the time change raised havoc with Palestinian terrorists this year. Israel insisted on a premature switch from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time to accommodate a week of pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to live on "Zionist Time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. Nobody knew
the "correct" time. At precisely 5:30pm on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the explosions. The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set to detonate on Daylight Saving Time. But the confused drivers had already switched to Standard Time. When they picked up the bombs, they neglected to
ask whose watch was used to set the timing mechanism. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering the terrorists to their untimely demises.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. -General George Patton