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UPI News wire;
9 December 2003

Pentagon spokesmen revealed today that American forces have launched a new phase in the war designed to win over the popular support of the Iraqi people. Following on the heels of the previously successful ‘Shock and Awe’ bombing campaign, the unprecedented ‘Chaka Kahn’ campaign has begun today near the Iraqi port city of Als’ An Urism.
What follows is an excerpt from an interview conducted by Fox News Network correspondent Peter Blitzkreig, with the officer in charge of the operation;

Blitz: So, General, tell us a little bit about Operation Chaka Kahn.

Field Marshall George "P-Funk" Clinton: Peter my brother, the Mothership has landed. What started out as a USO tour has become the blueprint for funkified victory.

Blitz: If I understand correctly, you have rolled into this Iraqi town and begun playing a live show, in order to pacify and control the local population?

P-Funk: Pacify? No, my man. We have assimilated our Muslim brothers into the Funk Nation. We began by laying down a little suppressive fire from Johnny ‘Guitar’ Watson. Then I personally supervised an artillery barrage of funk, courtesy of Parliament Funkadelic. And just when they were back on their heels, we dropped the Funk Bomb on them.

Blitz: Chaka Kahn?

P-Funk: Abso-funkin’-lutely right, my pale little Aryan brother. Chaka Khan, supported by the Special Ops barrage launched by Rufus, and special guests The Red Hot Chili Peppers, has won the hearts and minds of a nation, with her natural sisterly beauty, her stone cold pipes, and the heavy-as-lead presence of her world class booty.

Blitz: Booty?

P-Funk: Baby got back fo’ sure. That you cannot deny. Chaka got game, and mad skills. Look at this crowd of local nationals respond!

Blitz: It is true, they seem to be having a good time. I have never seen Arab women and men dancing and singing in such an uninhibited fashion. Unless they were celebrating a suicide bombing in Tikrit, that is.

Iraqi soldier: (Singing) Tell me something gu'd! Tell me dat you like id’, yeahhh! (Moves his hands in a circular fashion, in a festive rendition of the ‘washing machine’ dance.)

P-Funk: You GO, boy. Say, Hadji, go on over there and get you some ribs and some Miller Genuine Draft. (Excuse me.) Hey, Bootsy, get over here!!

Bootsy Collins: Yes sir, Field Marshall of Funk?

P-Funk: I need you to tell Rufus to take it down for a few minutes, and then right about 11:00 hours, I want Rick James and James Brown brought in via the Prince-chopper. At that point, I want them to REALLY bust out the jams. Tell them they got clearance to tear the roof off this sucka’.

Bootsy: Got it, chief!

P-Funk: We’ll see you later, Peter. I got a war to run here. We gonna kick out the jams, and then we gonna kick out the terrorists!

Blitz: Signing off from the Iraqi city of Als’ An Urism, this is Fox News’s Peter Blitzkreig.

Iraqi woman in burkha: You sure fine, bother Pete. You wan’ me rock your world?


Once the media released the details of the upcoming event, the local populace became ecstatic. Pictured below is frenzied fans waiting in line at the local Ticketmaster, chanting, "Funkdafy us, Funkdafy us!"

<img src="http://www.kiowapilots.com/gallery/data/3018/11screamingcrowd.jpg" border=0>

The night of the event, all was quiet throughout Iraq. The nightly IED explosions, mortar attacks, and suicide bombings all came to a standstill as fans flocked to the arena. On arrival, they were greeted by an array of dizzying psychedelic lights which solidified the fact that they were there for one reason - to get their funk on.

<img src="http://www.kiowapilots.com/gallery/data/3018/12holdingsigns.jpg" border=0>

As a precursor to the Clinton extravaganza, a local comedian wowed the crowd with his seinfeld'esque routine. His adaptation of the 'Shrinkage' bit however recieved little accolades, as the Iraqi's seemed to take offense to any jokes that referred to small male organs.

<img src="http://www.kiowapilots.com/gallery/data/3018/13guestappearance.jpg" border=0>

All was forgotten however as P-Funk took center stage. Fans rallied around the performer as he belted out such classics as 'Atomic Dog', and 'Booty Body Ready for the Plush Funk'. One particularly moving moment of the concert occured as 'Funkenstein' himself donned a ghutra and gave his rendition of the old Iraqi classic, 'Sweet Home Karbala'.

<img src="http://www.kiowapilots.com/gallery/data/3018/14pfunk.jpg" border=0>



"The power to Destroy the planet, is insignifigant to the power of the Air Force----Mudd Vader

lol