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DARWIN AWARDS 2003

It's that time again . . . . They are finally out! You all know about the Darwin Awards - It's an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees are:

Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.

Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.

Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."

Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend - no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.

Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc.. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.

And the winner . ..

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened. It seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off - actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long and straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver and soon to be pilot, most likely would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock. Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron nearly reached Mach 1, attaining a ground speed of approximately
420 mph.





Whoever said man was smart?

I've seen pictures of the car, and the impact crater in the side of the cliff.

It was not pretty, lol...

<img src="http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/sigs/snipersig.jpg " border=0>

wanna try with the poche lol

My favorites were the "honarable mentions", these were the guys that came close but no cigar. Like the 2 mental midgets that blew a fuse on their truck with no replacment in site. Much to their amazement it appeared that a .22 shell was an exact fit! Why they even thought of using it I dont know. They installed the fuse and on the way home.....BLAM!!!. The driver was hit in the "groin" area.

"face it....perhaps your only purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others!"

I've got tears coming out my eyes from the winner...

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI

Best case scenario for the winner would be to keep a hand on the lever that allows you to tilt the seat backwards. And be ready to kick the JATO out the back.

Also pray you don't get flung out yourself (not to mention into the flames shooting out of the JATO.) Also that it doesn't end up pointing at you again, or get lodged underneath the car.

"Your calling <b>me</b> a liar?"

W.A.B. Moderator. http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/

<img src="http://www.landmarktheatres.com/Assets/Images/Films/36175.jpg" border=0>

_________________

The Darwin Awards are always funny. Glad to be rid of you all.

He is not only dull himself, but the cause of dullness in others. --Samuel Johnson, LL.D

Wait a minute I thought the JATO incedent was a few years old?

Silly Saddam, Holes are for rabbits! - joe P.

Snipe, think you could find those pix again and show us?

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI

probably not, no.

LOL

<img src="http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/sigs/snipersig.jpg " border=0>

Snipe, I think those pictures might be a bit false...

http://www.snopes.com/autos/dream/jato.asp

Claim: The remains of a smoldering JATO-assisted Chevrolet Impala were found embedded in the side of a cliff in the Arizona desert.

Status: False.

Origins: Of all the crazy Internet stories, this has to be the one fellas love the most. There's something about cars and solid rocket fuel engines that draws them to this tale like happy moths to an unforgiving flame. Maybe it's the Wile E. Coyote-ness of it all, the "so real you can almost touch it" mental image of a smoldering wreck sticking out of a cliff face. Perhaps it's the vicarious enjoyment of a Tim Allen-ish "More Power!" fantasy carried to its fatal yet hilarious conclusion. Or maybe it's a simple matter of cars and the men who love them, the eternal love affair.

Whatever. The boys love it, and that's all that matters.

This tale of vehicular velocity ferocity has been popular among servicemen since the late 1970s. In those early word-of-mouth versions, the JATO was taken from a cargo plane or out of a warehouse on base, thereby answering a key question left up in the air in later versions: Where did the intrepid lad obtain the engine?

The story is even older than that. One of our readers says he heard it in 1961 or 1962. In that version, two JATO units mounted as "lakers" (exhaust pipes) on a 1940 Ford were fired on Bayshore freeway while trying to outrun the California Highway Patrol. The car was last seen going end over end across San Francisco bay. Another reader heard it in 1964 while stationed at Fort Huachuca, Arizona. In that version, the unmanned JATO'd car went airborne and smashed into a tree, destroying both car and plant.

The version we now know and love (complete with puzzled police and the smoldering wreck of what's left of a car impacted into the face of a cliff), began making the cyberspatial rounds in 1990. In 1992 the incident was said to have happened in New Mexico, with the car being a Plymouth Road Runner. By 1994 the car had transformed itself into a Chevrolet Impala, but now the accident's venue was California. (See how these things mutate over time?)

1995 saw this legend just about take over the Internet as it was flashed from e-mail to e-mail as "this year's Darwin Award winner." It's this version which is still in circulation today, the car frozen in time as a Chevy Impala, the location given as somewhere in Arizona.

As it appeared in 1995:
"Darwin award" Nominee: You all know about the Darwin awards -- it's an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.

Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke(tm) machine, which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

And for this year's nominee, the story is:

The Arizona (U.S.) Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded into the side of a cliff rising above the road, on the outside of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The boys in the lab finally figured out what it was, and what had happened.

It seems that a guy had somehow got hold of a JATO unit, (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid-fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra `push' for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert, and found a long, straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, got up some speed, and fired off the JATO!!

Best as they could determine, he was doing somewhere between 250 and 300 mph (350-420kph) when he came to that curve . . .

The brakes were completely burned away, apparently from trying to slow the car.

TODAY'S LESSON: Solid-fuel rockets don't have an 'off' switch . . .
Nor, so it seems, do good stories. A spokesman of the Arizona Department of Public Safety stated in a 1996 newspaper article the JATO story wasn't true though they continued to get asked about it. "We get a call on that about every 90 days,'' said Dave Myers. ''It keeps us on the map.''

(The web site for the Arizona Department of Public Safety includes a page about this legend.)

There are two fatal problems with the JATO story. First, anybody who understood the extreme forces involved well enough to attach a JATO unit to a car so that it would keep the car going in a straight line (rather than immediately spinning around) would not do it in the first place. Second, the Arizona Highway Patrol has a phone number. A call to them will confirm they've both heard the story and no, it's not true.

Sorry, fellas.

Though the legend of the smoldering Chevy smashed into a cliff face is pure fabrication, JATO engines have been mounted on cars on a couple of occasions. As reported in Motor Trend in 1957, Dodge took a brand-new car out to El Mirage dry lake bed in California, removed the gas tank, and mounted a JATO unit in its place. (The intent was to test the car's brakes and to film the event for TV commercials.) The car went 140 mph.

Barbara "cliff unhanger" Mikkelson

Last updated: 20 February 2002

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI

Edited by - bigross86 on Feb 07 2004 2:00 PM

A question for you hotrodders- could over the counter tires handle that kind of speed/acceleration without destoying themselves or coming off the rims?

Hajji, you can run, but why die tired?

_________________
\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

Sounds like experimentation time to me boys.

Z rated tires are 'rated' to 180mph, but will obviously handle well over 200.

Anything over about 220...i have no idea.

<img src="http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/sigs/snipersig.jpg " border=0>

well sniper you could be the test driver --pilot lol

Guess it begs the answer to the question: Do dragsters have special wheels/tire beads to handle <i>that</i>acceleration?

Hajji, you can run, but why die tired?

_________________
\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

Yes. Top fuel dragsters use special race slicks that actually grow in diameter as torque is increased. This serves to raist the final drive ratio as speed builds, and also allows centrifigul force to PLANT the tire onto the track.

I just read some REALLY cool facts about top fuel dragsters in this months Car and Driver(i think it was CD, lol).

For instance, a top fuel dragster...including burnout...only needs to survive for 900 engine revolutions of the engine before it is torn down and rebuilt.

One 500cid Top Fuel Hemi motor produces more power than the FIRST THREE ROWS OF THE DAYTONA 500 COMBINED!!!

At Nitromethane's stochiometric ideal of 1.7:1, the flame front of nitromethane fuel is 7000 degrees farenheit.

Typicly, a top fuel dragster will max out at 9500rpm. At full throttle, and operating at high R's the nitromethane/air mix is so dense that the engine operates in a continuous state of near hydrolock.

If you took your typical 800 horsepower Lingenfelter Corvette, and gave it a flying start of 200mph, and it crossed the christmas tree lights at maximum throttle at the same time as a top fuel dragster launched from a DEAD STOP, the Dragster would pass the Vette in less than 800 feet(about 2/3 the way down the 1/4 mile), and the pressure wave of the dragster passing would be very likely to cause the Corvette to lose control and crash!

At maximum throttle a typical Top Fuel dragster accelerates to 8G's!!!

At launch, the instantaneous G force is 4Gs!

The yellow flames seen shooting out of Top fuel dragsters exhausts are NOT from the nitromethane fuel. The combustion temperature is so high that water vapor(chemicly created by combustion) is stripped of it's hydrogen atoms, and they are ignited in the exhaust...hence the yellow flames. Nitromethane burns blue.

There is no dyno in existence that can accurately measure the horsepower of a top fuel Hemi motor. It is believed that todays top fuel dragsters are approaching 6 THOUSAND horsepower!

Cool stuff, huh?



<img src="http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/sigs/snipersig.jpg " border=0>

<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote> could over the counter tires handle that kind of speed/acceleration without destoying themselves or coming off the rims<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote></font id=quote><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size=2 id=quote>

remember with this JATO example there is no power to the wheels so they would just be freewheeling, just a question of RPM and SOME heating but certainly less than if they were "driven".

and just for fun, JATO is Jet Assited Take Off, even though it IS a rocket motor (not an engine) is still is JET powered, huh? what? yup lol

"We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us". George Orwell

Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel !
<img src="http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/atengun2X.GIF" border=0>

_________________
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

The real test for the tires would be in trying to stop.

<img src="http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/sigs/snipersig.jpg " border=0>

that's what the 300 feet of battleship chain in the trunk is for lol

"We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us". George Orwell

Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel !
<img src="http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/atengun2X.GIF" border=0>

_________________
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

LOL! Then you'd need the JATO just to get the thing to move!

I'd want an ACES II and some ejection seat training before i piloted a JATO equipped car, lol.

<img src="http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/sigs/snipersig.jpg " border=0>

In 1999 a fisherman in Kiev electrocuted himself while fishing in the river Tereblya. The 43-year-old man connected cables to the main power supply of his home, and trailed the end into the river. The electric shock killed the fish, which floated belly-up to the top of the water. The man waded in to collect his catch, neglecting to remove the live wire, and tragically suffered the same fate as the fish.

In an ironic twist, the man was fishing for a mourning meal to commemorate the first anniversary of his mother-in-law's death.


Davew27 <img src=newicons/icon_hog.gif border=0 align=middle>

http://www.globalaircraft.org/photos/pl ... a-10_2.jpg <img src=newicons/icon_hog.gif border=0 align=middle>
<img src="d:\&rest\dave\a10.bmp" border=0>

Six people drowned while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said. His sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they apparently were pulled by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo. The chicken was also pulled out. It survived.

Davew27 <img src=newicons/icon_hog.gif border=0 align=middle>

http://www.globalaircraft.org/photos/pl ... a-10_2.jpg <img src=newicons/icon_hog.gif border=0 align=middle>
<img src="d:\&rest\dave\a10.bmp" border=0>

ROTFLMFAO.... i just had a thought, the konigsegg roadster is only about the weight of a small car, has a 600bhp engine (i think its that high anyway) and can do well over 200, maybe we could JATO that thing....

ps... the "gerbil rocket" story is even more funny <img src=newicons/bounce.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>



Edited by - Williamz on Feb 12 2004 12:35 AM