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Number One Idiot of 2002

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control centre. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
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Number Two Idiot of 2002

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
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Number Three Idiot of 2002

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it
to the clerk.

The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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Idiot Number Four of 2002

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
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Idiot Number Five of 2002

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of plexiglass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts.
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Idiot Number Six of 2002

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A. M., flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.



"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

many years of ems introduced me to many idiots but I have two for you.

First it is common for roaches in louisiana to climb in to the warm moist ear canals of kids. Annoying and painful but the ER can remove them. Instead this mother decided to poor tobasco down this childs ear.

The second mother decided rather than making a soap suds enema for baby out of dish soap and water--to wittle a bar of soap down into a suppository. Further plugging up the constipated baby.

The moral of this story is I will be surprised if these kids live to adult hood, with out shooting there idiot parents.

PS.

One story relayed to me, that I dont have first hand knowledge of.

Mother brings in teenage daughter for a yeast infection. Two days later the girl still has the infection. Mother goes back to ER states I dont know why she still has it I have been giving her the cream on crackers every three hours.

The Tabasco sauce story reminds me of a college prank…

Don't know if you guys have a sports spray called Deep Heat across the pond. Basically you spray it onto muscle sprains or aches and it generates serious heat (don’t know how), which sort of relaxes the muscle and the pain.

At college one lad had a habit of spraying his groin with deodorant from a tin not unlike the Deep Heat one.

Guess what I swapped his deodorant can for?



"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

knew a middle line backer a college who would put it in his jock to pissed off before a game.

It worked he played three games with a separated shoulder, and knocked several players out.

BTW, I meant to ask what EMS stood for?

Emergency Medical Service possibly?

"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

Paramedic 3years
EMT 1
EMT-I 1 year

Glad to be done with it

I was responding to a small house for an elderly lady, around 9 o'clock at night. Well, me and another EMT got the stair chair ready because the room was small, we walk in the room and all our radios reported a call for a kid with a bug stuck in his ear. There wasn't anyone in the room who wasn't laughing!

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now,
how do I get out?

Strewth,

I've just thought of another small, dark, warm and moist orifice a roach could crawl into...

Brings a whole new meaning to "Who shoved a bug up his ass"

"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

44 dont joke. It is amazing the amount of pleasure seekers who go wrong then need to have some thing extricated.

we will leave it there--just remember it is the residents who often get the deed--it rolls down hill.

I am so glade I don't work where you do mattlott

Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now,
how do I get out?

Hey can a felcher get busted for cruelty to girbles ?

By this time tomorrow I shall have gained either a pearage or Westminster Abbey........Nelson

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YGBSM !

I've got a 3 minute .wav file of a news anchor completely losing it when trying to tell the gerbil/felching story.

The guy is crying with laughter and banging the desk by the end of the piece.

Anybody interested..?


"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

ummm...yes lol how large a file is it boomer@fidmail.com

"We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us". George Orwell

Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel !
<img src="http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/atengun2X.GIF" border=0>

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The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

I need to see that clip.

<img src="http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/sigs/snipersig.jpg " border=0>

I need to see that news anchor also.

By this time tomorrow I shall have gained either a pearage or Westminster Abbey........Nelson

_________________
YGBSM !

Unfortunately it's not a video, just audio, but it still the funniest thing I've heard.

My ISP is playing silly buggers at the mo, as soon as I can, I'll upload it to the homepage and post a URL.

Cheers

"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

Here's the url.

Crack open a few stubbies and have a listen.

If you lot don't like it, I've misjudged you all and I'll just have to find some other sick and twisted folk to hang out with...

http://www.fullyauto.demon.co.uk/Armaggedon.wav

It's only 1.3mb in size

"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

Edited by - 44hollowpoint on Nov 10 2003 12:39 PM

a whole new definition for "Ass Canon"

Overkill??? I'd kill a fly with a howitzer if I had one.

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\"One of you is gonna fall and die, and I'm not cleaning it up\"

LOL

<img src="http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/sigs/snipersig.jpg " border=0>

"enough velocity to break his nose" ??? come on folks, this is a hoax, but a funny one lol

"We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us". George Orwell

Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel !
<img src="http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/atengun2X.GIF" border=0>

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The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

It only takes about 14lbs of force to break a nose.

And i'm willing to bet that a gerbil propelled from a rectum through a tube can easily amass 14ft-lb of KE.

<img src="http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/sigs/snipersig.jpg " border=0>

hoax, urban legend, whatever. "Equal and opposite re-action" also comes into play here, musta been quite a belch/intestinal rupture.

"We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us". George Orwell

Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel !
<img src="http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/atengun2X.GIF" border=0>

_________________
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

btw gerbil weight is 50-100 grams, since your my kinetic mass/energy guy what do the numbers say you need for Vmin to get 14ftlbs of force with that weight?

"We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us". George Orwell

Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel !
<img src="http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/atengun2X.GIF" border=0>

_________________
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.