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| new joke http://warthogterritory.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=10861 |
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| Author: | Racegal8 [ 28 Jun 2006, 13:19 ] |
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This one was great....sounds like a stunt that my sarcastic self would pull enjoy! <img src=icon_smile.gif border=0 align=middle> One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten!" |
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| Author: | bigross86 [ 28 Jun 2006, 15:54 ] |
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Very nice... "Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI |
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| Author: | fenderstrat72 [ 28 Jun 2006, 16:18 ] |
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LOL, that is funny. Fender "Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it." George Bernard Shaw |
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| Author: | sgtgoose1 [ 28 Jun 2006, 19:09 ] |
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<img src=newicons/anim_shock.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_shock.gif border=0 align=middle> Goose I called the VA to see why I was sent a Death Notification letter To tell them "I'M ALIVE! ,but the VA told ME "No your Mistaken We show you as being DEAD. THE GOVERMENT DOESNT MAKE MISTAKES so its a problem on your end that you need to CORRECT. |
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| Author: | boomer [ 29 Jun 2006, 00:01 ] |
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OUCH ROFLMAO!!!!!! A 45 has a muzzle. A 9mm has a bullet vent. |
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| Author: | 30mike-mike [ 29 Jun 2006, 05:12 ] |
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<i>Touche</i><img src=newicons/spit.gif border=0 align=middle> The Second Amendment: America's original homeland security. Ya just can’t take life too seriously, because you aren’t going to get out of it alive anyway. |
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