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So no one is home at my house so i've come to you guys at the board with my problems.

I'm pretty sure my boss is Bi-Polar and lately it seems (in the past 2 months or so) she has been screaming at me a few times a week for things that go wrong.....90% of the time these things have nothing to do with me however she makes it my fault because i've worked at the hospital the longest.

I need advice on how to deal with her when she is screaming because lately sweet little me had became \"Miss attitude\" at work and been getting very defensive and raising my voice when she starts yelling...i know this is bad and i've already cause some issues with this. I really don't want to cause problems over there and i need some help on how to calm down or deal with her. Any suggestions?

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\"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives\"

When she starts to raise her voice again, advise her to speak to you as you are speaking to her in return, nice and calm, as there is no resaon to holler at each other.
If she continues, stop her again and tell her that when she can remain calm and act as a supervisor would act, you will continue the conversation with her, in \"HER\" Boss's office.

Ho boy, nothing worse than a whacked out boss. Remaining calm is key on your part, a shouting match accomplishes absolutely nothing and will only intensify whatever is going on. Keep in mind there's a fine line between defending yourself and insubordination, make certain you give her no grounds to start down THAT road. Let her rant but listen to what she's saying and when she gets done, calmly ask her what her expectations are and exactly how and where you fit into the equation. If it's something you can fix, do it. If it has nothing to do with you or your department, calmly point that out.

There are some things you MUST do, first of which is documentation, second is documentation and thirdly, you guessed it; documentation. Start a file, doesn't have to be anything formal but it needs to have dates, times, topics, witnesses (if any). Make sure it's accurate and do NOT include anything speculative..bi-polar would not be something you want to include unless you're a board certified psychologist. You may, however, include the tone of the discussion..if she's screaming at you, put it down.

Everybody has a boss Racegal and if it becomes intolerable, you need to let her know you'll be involving him/her the next time she snaps. If it comes to that, remain calm but also let her boss know you consider the workplace to be intolerable, your proof is your file and hopefully he/she is not condoning it. Unless they're incredibly dense, they will get the hint as to where it's going. Good luck with this one, these are always difficult.

OC

http://bipolarworld.net/job_school/js9.htm

Wondering how to deal with a particularly difficult supervisor? Here are some suggestions:


Meet with a job coach, who can help you determine whether your work style, communication skills, etc.are contributing to the problem, and work with you to improve matters.

Arrange to meet with your supervisor several times to find out what s/he expects and needs from you, and talk about how you can meet those expectations and needs.

Keep a detailed written record of any problematic interactions. When did it happen? Where were you at the time? What did your boss say to you? How did you respond? What happened next?

Don't blow up, slink away, or whatever else you instinctively do when people are angry at you. Losing control makes you look bad, and walking away makes you look like you're challenging your supervisor's authority.

If you're cursed at, threatened, physically or sexually harassed, or otherwise being treated abusively, take your written record of the event to both your company's personnel department and your boss's manager.

If you think your treatment is due to your psychiatric disability, consider filing a complaint under the ADA.


I think I've seen that third one somewhere... this is a pretty good site about bipolar disorders. Good luck RG.

_________________
\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

Thanks guys, i really do appreciate this! I'm just getting sick of coming home with headaches and stressed out all the time.

_________________
\"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives\"

Racegal,

I know how you feel , since I deal with it everyday living with a person with with a different stage as in \"Major Re-occurring Depression\" l

Do you know if she really is \"Bi-Polar\"? Thats the big question.

She could be taking medication for something else that causes these \"Out Burst\".
I was on Steroids years ago and I didn't know it until The wife took them away from me and hid them and called the Dr.
I had a \"Psychotic\" reaction to them and I guess I was
\"MEAN AND NASTY\" as they come, and if the Supervisor who I worked for wasn't a nurse I probably would of been fired.

I guess I yelled and screamed and Bitched at everyone for nothing, threw my Tools if something didn't go right, never threatened anyone but they said I just \"Stayed by myself \" told everyone to \"LEAVE ME THE F- ALONE\"
Still did my job, but everyone knew just to \"Leave me Rant and Rave\"

Finally after the Dr took them away and I stayed home for a few days the washed-out of my system. I was \"Horrified\" when I found out how I was acting and then when my Dad came over with my Firearms, I knew it was bad, they took them out of the house when I went to work due to the way I was acting. That scared me, I apologized when I went back to work and those folks I worked with said \"We knew something was going on, You were just \"being You \" just about 50x's more of a \"Asshole\" LOLOLOL.

So I would ,by what your saying since \"Bi-Polar\" doesn't just appear\" that either they
A. Been on medication to control it and changed it on them
B. Personal problems
C. Been placed on Medication for another problem and having a \"Reaction to it\"
D. Depending on her age going thru \"Menopause\"

Just ask her when she is alone, not Yelling at you or out in the parking lot after work \"Whats wrong? You seemed not like yourself lately.
Because usually and some others can relate to this \"If its is Bi-Polar\" look to see if shes \"BUSY \" all the time at 100miles an hour\" Because it sounds if it is Bi-polar she is in the \"Manic\" stage\" but when that goes away and the swing down, and slip into the \"Depression\" she won't be doing anything but \"Mood swings \" are bad.

So just look at her Behavior , I'm not counting the \"Yelling\" but the other things and If you have a \"Medical Department\" if you notice these things talk to them.

The ADA is very specific on rules and conduct and personal information ,so let them handle it .
Thats if you like the person or if you don't like her, go to HR and file a complaint. HR will then be \"Obligated under the ADA to turn it over to the Medical Department and they'll tell her she to see a Dr\" for her own \"Safety\"

I dealt with this when I was a Union VP with issue like this and the ADA rules.

But Don't \"Yell back\" or \"Confornt them in a Aggressive Behavior \" if you need to leave and go to the bathroom or HR if its that bad, but you don't have to Work like that.

Just my Thoughts Ed

_________________
\"Live Free Or Die\"

Some great advice here Racegal. I agree the best thing to do is A: keep your cool, and B: document the hell out of it.

BTW, do you work for my wife? She sounds awfully familiar.

_________________
Slow is Fast, Fast is Slow
Violence may not be the best option, but it IS an option

This was just a pure guess that i made. but it seemed quite logical. SHe has her good days and her bad days and i guess since she is in her late 40's that menopause could be a concerning factor too!

I've been doing my best to stay calm and talk to her how i want to be talked to...it works pretty well most of the time, but there is some days when she in on her rampages that no matter what happens i'm to blame. Our personalities clash so much...i'm a sweet caring person that willing to help out anytime i can...and she is a ice queen b*&ch. lol guess they don't always work out.

Most of my friends and family are telling me to quit the job and find something else.....but i like the other 3 doctors in the hospital and i like my co-workers.

She had put me on \"probation\" for my attitude last month and told me i had a review in 1 month to \"see how things were going\" That review is on Friday the 9th and i'm nervous but trying to think positive.....i just hope that she is in a good mood that day. I'll keep you guys posted.

_________________
\"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives\"

If she's not in a good mood that day...

POSTPONE!

Good luck, we'll all be pulling for you and be sure to let us know how it goes.

_________________
Slow is Fast, Fast is Slow
Violence may not be the best option, but it IS an option

Is she the senior partner, RG? If not, can you appeal any negative review based on false (i.e. provable)accusations to one of the other doctors? Certainly hope it all works out.

_________________
\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

She actually the owner of the hospital. Its a small 4 doctor veterinary hospital and aparently what she says goes...got to love that.

_________________
\"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives\"

Maybe you should follow your motto and have an arrangement made.

I know dis guy, e's good an don't ask too many questions. Know whad-I-mean? You just 'ave a woid wit him and fa'gid'daboudit.

_________________
Slow is Fast, Fast is Slow
Violence may not be the best option, but it IS an option

RG,

I know I'm getting back to you late, I apologize ,

But since she's the owner , and basically her \"Word Rules\" then If she gives you a \"Bad\" review today and \"Fires you or takes other disciplinary actions against you\" then you really only have 2 choices
1. Take it and stay there
2. If you get fired, ask her If she'll \"Fight your unemployment \"? and 2. \"If she'll give you a letter of recommendation for your next job?\"

If she says \"No\" to then you have a case for a legal action.

You can file a \"Wrongful termination suit against her but If you do , Name Her, the Hospital and any \"Partners that control $$$\"by Name also in it with her.\"

Because in alot of cases people only sue the \"Person or Company\" and they can can loose , but If you start naming \"Everyone and The Company\"
Then it gets to be a \"Major\" problem because if you prove your case on \"Any part\" the jury will lump it all together and \"Hold all parties liable\"

Lawyers will for the most part what I've seen will settle out of court and it won't show on your work history.

Because you can really too file \"EEOC\"Charges on her for \"Discrimination \" and I know you and others are saying \"She's a Woman too you can't \" Oh yes you can!

The discrimination is that \"She put you in that position and and not having a \"Independent or UnBais Party\" look at your Performance\" that she was
\"Harassing you , Verbally abusing you in front of you co-workers, and Making your Work Environment intolerable\"

Npw I know some of you out there are saying \" Ah He's full of Bull Shit\"
Well I've seen this kind of case filed and Won on those grounds and on similar case laws on the books,
But If you file a Civil Suit first , you can't use the EEOC process,

The EEOC 's job is to determine ,

1. If a Federal Law has been violated(Discrimination based on Race,Gender, Creed, Life Style, Disability ,Religious belief, Age or \"Personal bias ) last one is hard to prove

2. Things like \"Reasonable Commendation's\" things like that weren't provided for you to \"Keep and hold a job or were Terminated for missing work due to Illness or things along that line that are covered under the Family leave act.

3. Hearing and Reading the Documentation of the events match any \"Case Law or any of the above mentioned\"

If you loose your EEOC case you can still file civil Action, but If you win a EEOC case, they can determine \"What Act or Acts that have been committed , any law that is broken and actually \"Fine the Company\" but usually they rule that \"You have a case and then your Lawyer files the Suit based on the EEOC findings, The EEOC doesn't grant $$$ to you just rules on the case.

I still have all my Books and Federal regulations on the ADA,EEOC, Federal Labor laws .

I use to \"Cram \" for Arbitrations when we had a \"Employee unjustly fired, company breaking Contract agreements, Disability problems like not making \"Reasonable Commendations\" ,Family Leave and Insurance problems etc......)
I did it for 6 years and tell you the truth \"I loved it\" but that was \"healthy Ed\" now its \"Fat, yellow post it notes everywhere Ed\" I have my notes from back then in front of me , because I couldn't even remember what \"EEOC\" stood for until I read my notes\"

So I know its a \"Bunch of \"Legal \" crap from a \"Ex Union Steward (VP)\" but I don't charge.

Hope it goes good .


Ed (Goose)

_________________
\"Live Free Or Die\"

Thanks again for all of the help. I had my probation review today, and it went ok. My boss said that my attitude has been much better of the past month but she still wants me to be careful. Basically i took all of your hints/tips and reworked the way i speak to her, it seems to help.

I'm off the probation, but aparently she told me its my \"light-heartedness\" that really gets to her. I'm the joking around type that tries to lighten the mood, and she doesn't find things funny. So i just need to not quite be myself around her and i should be good.

Thanks again to everyone SO much!! It was very much appreciated.

_________________
\"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives\"

Racegal,

If a Boss can't understand a person who can \"Be professional and have a \"Lighter side to themselves\" while doing their job well, then I have only one thing to say


GET ANOTHER JOB

I mean come on, if I went to work in a \"Stuffy, Stick -up Their Ass\" office everyday I'd . Besides How can someone work in a Vet Hospital and not be \"Light Hearted\"?

If the Drs like you Shes just trying to keep you from asking for a raise based on \"Seniority\" or has another one she wants to hire but can't come up with a \"Good Reason\" to Fire you.

I'm sure theres alot of other Vets and or Dr's that would \"Love to have you work for them\" Pets or Patients their really the same , the ones who Greet you or help you with Billing, appointments or questions are what a Patrice \"Great\" . I've seen too many Dr's who were \"Out Standing\" but couldn't Stand their Staff,so you either \"Go to another or \"Buy them Boxes of Candy\"

Oh Crap Christmas is almost here, time to pay the Bribes for next year.

You'd be surprised how well you get treated after you buy them a 5lb box of candy from Fannie Mae

I never wait for anything , I get my records for Free and Rx's over the phone.

But No RG look for another Job just to see whats out their Who knows


Goose

_________________
\"Live Free Or Die\"