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| Computer Humour http://warthogterritory.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=3485 |
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| Author: | tritonal [ 28 Jul 2003, 12:43 ] |
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If cars were computers(that ran on Windows): <i>Microsoft vs GM For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon". In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car,! restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by asingle "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 7.The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how ! to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.</i> |
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| Author: | 44hollowpoint [ 29 Jul 2003, 00:58 ] |
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Read this with a health dose of skepticism, remember it came from the land of computer geeks… <font color=yellow>This is supposedly a true story from a recent Defence Science Lectures Series, as related by the head of the Australian DSTO's Land Operations/Simulation division. They've been working on some really nifty virtual reality simulators, the case in point being to incorporate Armed Reconnaissance Helicopters into exercises (from the data fusion point of view). Most of the people they employ on this sort of thing are ex- (or future) computer game programmers. Anyway, as part of the reality parameters, they include things like trees and animals. For the Australian simulation they included kangaroos. In particular, they had to model kangaroo movements and reactions to helicopters (since hordes of disturbed kangaroos might well give away a helicopter's position). Being good programmers, they just stole some code (which was originally used to model infantry detachments reactions under the same stimuli), and changed the mapped icon, the speed parameters, etc. The first time they've gone to demonstrate this to some visiting Americans, the hotshot pilots have decided to get "down and dirty" with the virtual kangaroos. So, they buzz them, and watch them scatter. The visiting Americans nod appreciatively... then gape as the kangaroos duck around a hill, and launch about two dozen Stinger missiles at the hapless helicopter. Programmers look rather embarrassed at forgetting to remove *that* part of the infantry coding... and Americans leave muttering comments about not wanting to mess with the Aussie wildlife... As an addendum, simulator pilots from that point onwards avoided kangaroos like the plague, just like they were meant to do in the first place... </font id=yellow> "A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..." |
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| Author: | boomer [ 29 Jul 2003, 14:07 ] |
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LOL equally weird event was in a major joint war sim when pilots picked up a group of tanks, only problem was the tanks were flying at 10,000ft. LOLOL OOOOOOOOPPPPS "We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us". George Orwell Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel ! <img src="http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/atengun2X.GIF" border=0> |
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| Author: | poke [ 30 Jul 2003, 22:55 ] |
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Reminds me of a field trip we took once to Ft Carson to look at how the Army boys play. They took us to the sim building where they house hundreds of sim tanks that can be used simultaniously to conduct maneuvers on each other. Well, they showed us to two sims that were on, but had been put on "freeze" so that they were not a part of the simulation that was going on at the moment, except that one of them wasn't. So in the middle of a serious war excercise, here comes some errant tank over the hillside driven by two hooligans from across town! It was blown to pieces by both sides within moments and flipped upside down in a ditch. <img src=icon_smile_tongue.gif border=0 align=middle> The guy leading the tour wasn't all that excited about it... <img src=icon_smile_blush.gif border=0 align=middle> But we thought it was great. |
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| Author: | Horrido [ 31 Jul 2003, 02:32 ] |
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http://sct.staghosting.com/index.html A sucking chest wound is life's way of telling you to slow down... |
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| Author: | Lunatock [ 01 Aug 2003, 09:57 ] |
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The Austrailian Combat Sim gone awry [:D} The Australians had a sim, and after fiddiling with it a bit to show off to American Miltary Officals. They added in herds of Kangeroos. During the demonstration, a flight simmed Heli was used to show off how lifelike the Kangeroos were, by buzzing them & making them run to the other side of a hill. Then everyone did a doubletake, when some of the Terrorist programming was found to be left in the sim. Two kangeroos stood up on the other side of the hill, with Stinger Missle launchers. And shot the Heli down. "There are itches only Special Forces can scratch" |
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| Author: | bigross86 [ 01 Aug 2003, 10:20 ] |
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'Tock, that story sounds VERY similar to the story that was posted above, in yellow. "Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI |
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| Author: | Lunatock [ 01 Aug 2003, 15:06 ] |
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Yeah when your right your right. Too busy with the <i>reading what Poke said</i><img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle> <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle> Edited to add: That might have been a bigger problem in real life. Jogging or mountain biking. watching Poke instead of a tree, phone pole, or boulder I may be heading towards. <img src=icon_smile_blackeye.gif border=0 align=middle> <img src=icon_smile_dead.gif border=0 align=middle> Ditto for sparring. Into "Kung Fu Sh*t" too <img src=icon_smile_blackeye.gif border=0 align=middle> <img src=icon_smile_dead.gif border=0 align=middle> ^^^I'll have to be the judge of the second part, when & if it ever happens to me. "There are itches only Special Forces can scratch" Edited by - Lunatock on Aug 01 2003 2:10 PM Edited by - Lunatock on Aug 01 2003 10:19 PM |
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| Author: | poke [ 01 Aug 2003, 21:16 ] |
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Dude, not funny. Edited by - poke on Aug 01 2003 8:39 PM |
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| Author: | Lunatock [ 02 Aug 2003, 19:42 ] |
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<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote> LOL equally weird event was in a major joint war sim when pilots picked up a group of tanks, only problem was the tanks were flying at 10,000ft. LOLOL OOOOOOOOPPPPS "We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us". George Orwell Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel ! <img src="http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/atengun2X.GIF" border=0> <hr height=1 noshade id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote></font id=quote><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size=2 id=quote> Civilian games can be just as strange & unusual. Joe Montana Football, for the Sega Genesis. 2 Payer game. Player two is controlling a punt reciever. And appeared to be on a break for the endzone. Suddenly, instead of the field scrolling from top to bottom. The direction flipped 180 degrees. And besides the one human controlled player crawling his six. EVERYONE, from both teams, was trying to tackle him. <img src=icon_smile_shock.gif border=0 align=middle>...<img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle> "There are itches only Special Forces can scratch" |
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| Author: | bigross86 [ 02 Aug 2003, 21:00 ] |
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LOL. Fun fun fun!!! "Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI |
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| Author: | Lunatock [ 03 Aug 2003, 08:35 ] |
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hell yeah. Or how about arcade games? Afterburner. Whenever your jet crashed, the generic flight stick would start convulsing, and it'd almost break your wrist if you didn't let go of it. Or the equall or greater stress the 1up vs 2p, or 1 & 2 vs computer games From an old Wrestlemania Arcade machine. Whenever "Joker", Sgt. Rozick, USMC (ret.) and myself were playing it. We were pounding on the controls hard enough to make the machine start rocking back & forth during the real hectic moments. Surprised we never made it fall over! <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle> Hmm...speaking of that. At that same mini-arcade. Some kid used to tilt a pinball machine over on two legs to get a free game from it. Until it did fall over on it's side, and the glass cover shattered. "There are itches only Special Forces can scratch" |
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