TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE RAMADAN:
Published: Posthumously Author: Mullah Mohammed Omar
Twas the night before Ramadan, and all through the cave
Not a creature was stirring, it felt like a grave.
The turbans were hung by the firepit with care,
In hopes that the US Air Force would not soon be there.
The soldiers were restless, without any beds,
While visions of air strikes flashed in their heads.
Osama in his burkha, and I in my goatskin cap,
Had just settled down for a cold, barren winter's nap,
When out on the ledge, there arose such a clatter,
I grabbed my Kalashnikov to see what was the matter.
Away from the racket, I ran like a girl,
Tripped over a goat, into a ball I did curl.
The moon shone down, on the new-fallen snow
And lit up the valley, with an ominous glow.
When, what to my one good eye should appear,
But a dozen Apaches, and M-1's in the rear.
And their leader so fearless, his troops he did push,
I knew in an instant- it must be George Bush.
More rapid than eagles, his forces they came,
And they whistled and shouted, and called out our names-
"Now Omar! Osama! Muhammad! Abdul!
We come for you now, we've taken Kabul!
To the top of the cliffs, to the back of their caves!
When you chose this war, you dug your own graves!"
As the dry leaves, that before the assault choppers fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, light up the sky.
So up to the ledge, his forces they flew-
with full magazines, and flamethrowers too.
And then in a twinkling, I heard with a thud
the explosions of Tomahawks, not one was a dud.
As I chambered my rifle, and was turning around,
Osama was there, disguised in a gown.
He was dressed all in drag, from his head to his toes,
And he said he would flee, while I held off his foes.
A bundle of money he had stuffed in his pack,
He said "I'm going to Baghdad, and I'm not looking back!"
His eyes were all glassy, he trembled with fear;
The American bombs, they rang in his ears.
He saddled his goat, then turned tail and fled,
But a US sniper, shot him in the head.
I watched with cold fear, as his body did slump-
The goat threw him off, he fell with a thump.
And so there I stood, my plans all destroyed,
about to suffer a fate I could not avoid.
I dropped to my knees, asked Allah for help,
His voice boomed in my ears, "YOU IGNORANT WHELP!
I gave you the Bible, the Torah and Koran,
But you were too arrogant to understand!
I told you to honor, your neighbors and wives-
not to enslave them, or degrade their lives!
You invoke My name, to sanction your deeds,
but you are the last thing, that this world needs-
And so I'll send you and bin Laden to Hell."
The last words I heard, as the bombs fell,
Were from George Bush himself, as he scaled the wall,
"ONE NATION, UNDER GOD, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!"
------------------------------------------
'TWAS THE NIGHT OVER BAGHDAD (Courtesy of SAC)
'Twas the night of the trials when all through Iraq,
All the troops were assembled, each one with a pack.
The Kuwaitis were fleeing their country with care
'Cause large profits from oil were not theirs to share.
The locals were huddled on palace-like floors
As Iraqi soldiers were storming the doors.
With all the world watching and soldiers on guard,
Even reporters said that Saddam was too hard.
When right over Baghdad there arose such a clatter
Hussein jumped up to see what was the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash
Pulled back his mustache and threw up the sash.
Then what to his beady little eyes should appear,
But B-52's with Christian bombardiers.
With a squadron of Eagles guarding their flanks,
He knew in a moment it must be the Yanks.
With chuckle that was heard as far as the Nile,
"IP inbound" the Nav announced with a smile.
The crew-dogs all thought it was a nice touch of class,
To change most of Iraq from sand into glass.
Now rockets, now mortars, now B-52's,
Let's light up old Baghdad for the late evening news.
Over guard came these words just before the attack,
"If you missed sunrise today, here's another from SAC".
On the mosque, on the palace, on every last wall,
Bombs Away, Bombs Away, Let the nukes fall!
Then onto the rooftops the bombs they did fall
With great mushroom clouds engulfing them all.
It was SAC's little present
To Saddam the great sage-
A fully paid ticket
Back to the Stone Age
And then the planes turned, heading back to their homes,
Assured that Saddam was charred to the bone.
The flight leader exclaimed as they stared to land,
"That's one for the good guys, the ragheads
be damned!"
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