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A few dating rules...
http://warthogterritory.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=5441		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  30mike-mike [ 27 Jan 2004, 05:46 ]
Post subject: 
*DADDY'S TEN RULES OF DATING* [Guys take note.]

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package,
because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long
as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes
or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear
their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are
complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue,
so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear
showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in
order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course
of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten
your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
"Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes
to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we
should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do
not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of
when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only
word I need from you on this subject is: "early"

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date
other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to
date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I
will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and
more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time
for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her
makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like
changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places
where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places
where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or
happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my
daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than
overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies
which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes
are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged,
dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the
all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are
going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun. a shovel, and five acres
behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound
of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near
Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head
frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter
home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with
both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear
voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return
to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face
at the window is mine.


Hajji, you can run, but why die tired?
Author:  Hogmender [ 27 Jan 2004, 06:39 ]
Post subject: 
Well, since I have a 2 year daughter, those ten rules hit home with me. Number 10 specifically deals with Vietnam. I've never been to Vietnam so I took the liberty of using my own combat zone experience...it works just fine for me...and, of course, my daughter.

Go Ugly Early !
No body's ugly after 2:00 A.M.
Author:  Lunatock [ 27 Jan 2004, 07:58 ]
Post subject: 
2DREZQ setting rules for his daughters dates while his favorite gun is laying on the table in front of him is classic.

"The day we can't insult French people I fail to see what hope there is for the world."

W.A.B. Moderator. http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/
Author:  mattlott [ 27 Jan 2004, 08:16 ]
Post subject: 
lol

Great have a daughter on the way. Only thing different is after five years of EMS i know were to leave the you for worst medical care possible--meaning no pain killers when the remove the bullet. No antibiotics for infection. Basically you will suffer, then be revived then suffer, then die, be revived, then suffer.
Author:  Hawg166 [ 27 Jan 2004, 08:47 ]
Post subject: 
I have three boys and I am going to give them a copy of that just to let them know how daddys feel about little girls.

By this time tomorrow I shall have gained either a pearage or Westminster Abbey........Nelson
Author:  30mike-mike [ 27 Jan 2004, 09:02 ]
Post subject: 
<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>I have three boys and I am going to give them a copy of that just to let them know how daddys feel about little girls.<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote></font id=quote><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size=2 id=quote>

<img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>Sent a copy to 30MM Jr, too, for that very reason. On the other hand, the young lady he's dating now lives on a farm, likes hunting and when she asked to see his CAR-15, checked the safety, racked the slide, checked the chamber and said 'Nice trigger pull'!

Hajji, you can run, but why die tired?<img src=icon_smile_shock.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_cool.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>

Edited by - 30mike-mike on Jan 27 2004 08:05 AM
Author:  boomer [ 27 Jan 2004, 11:02 ]
Post subject: 
I think rule #3 is optional as the "baggies" severly slow there egress from pops WEZ <img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

"We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us". George Orwell

Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel !
<img src="http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/atengun2X.GIF" border=0>
Author:  M21 Sniper [ 27 Jan 2004, 12:33 ]
Post subject: 
"Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound
of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near
Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head
frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter
home. As soon as you pull into the driveways you should exit the car with
both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear
voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return
to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face
at the window is mine."

Used to date this beautiful angel named Tamara Myers when i was about 15. First time i went to her daddy's house to fetch her there he is on the EZ chair cleaning his .50cal musket pistol. She had told me dad was a Vietnam vet previously. I walk in, he brandishes the pistol and says......"So you're the little bastard that knocked my baby up".

LOL......i RAN as fast as i could out the door.





<img src="http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/sigs/snipersig.jpg " border=0>
Author:  Hawg166 [ 27 Jan 2004, 12:48 ]
Post subject: 
So I take it you knocked her up ?

By this time tomorrow I shall have gained either a pearage or Westminster Abbey........Nelson
Author:  Williamz [ 28 Jan 2004, 05:10 ]
Post subject: 
ROTFLMAO, y'know only rule 3 applies to me, im a skater "posh word for some snotty sh1t that goes round on a skateboard annoying every1 and everythin as much as possible... also we have no perception of stupidity and danger". All the skating trousers i buy have REALLY lose waists so i cant help it.

P.S frag sez "wats the password"
PPS Sniper you dirrrty boy!!!! (you REEALLLY should have been careful) i wouln have gone round till AFTER she dropped the baby!

If you see a bomb technician running try to keep up
Author:  bigross86 [ 28 Jan 2004, 08:04 ]
Post subject: 
Seen it before. Adhere to it religously...

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI
Author:  Stinger [ 28 Jan 2004, 09:22 ]
Post subject: 
memorized for when(if) I have a daughter... :D

You look as lost as a bastard child on Fathers day.
Author:  bigross86 [ 28 Jan 2004, 09:55 ]
Post subject: 
Thankfully (?) my dad isn't around to scare potential SO's. My mom on the other hand, is frightening...

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI
Author:  M21 Sniper [ 28 Jan 2004, 11:25 ]
Post subject: 
No, i hadn't even slept with the girl(yet).

He was just f'ing with me.

It was highly effective.

<img src="http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/sigs/snipersig.jpg " border=0>
Author:  bigross86 [ 28 Jan 2004, 11:44 ]
Post subject: 
I can imagine. First time I dated this chick her dad walked up in uniform brandishing an Uzi. I was a bit concerned, to say the least...

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI
Author:  boomer [ 28 Jan 2004, 14:20 ]
Post subject: 
<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote> brandishing an Uzi. I was a bit concerned, to say the least...<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote></font id=quote><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size=2 id=quote>

really? I thought even the kindergardeners carried heat over there lol

"We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us". George Orwell

Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel !
<img src="http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/atengun2X.GIF" border=0>
Author:  bigross86 [ 29 Jan 2004, 09:29 ]
Post subject: 
Yeah, but not locked and loaded...

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI
Author:  Williamz [ 30 Jan 2004, 05:16 ]
Post subject: 
nah they prob have plastic bullets LOL

If you see a bomb technician running try to keep up
Author:  Hawg166 [ 30 Jan 2004, 07:38 ]
Post subject: 
Hey Ross, I havesome pictures put away of me getting a photo op with two very very fine young Israeli ladies in their uniforms and brandishing Uzi's. I believe it was right outside the Western Wall in 1986 when I was a young Cracker Jack.

By this time tomorrow I shall have gained either a pearage or Westminster Abbey........Nelson
Author:  Lunatock [ 30 Jan 2004, 10:23 ]
Post subject: 
<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>
Hey Ross, I havesome pictures put away of me getting a photo op with two very very fine young Israeli ladies in their uniforms and brandishing Uzi's. I believe it was right outside the Western Wall in 1986 when I was a young Cracker Jack.

By this time tomorrow I shall have gained either a pearage or Westminster Abbey........Nelson
<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote></font id=quote><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size=2 id=quote>

This thread is worthless without pics. <img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>

"Your calling <b>me</b> a liar?"

W.A.B. Moderator. http://www.worldaffairsboard.com/
Author:  bigross86 [ 31 Jan 2004, 09:31 ]
Post subject: 
'Tock does have a point...

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI
Author:  Hawg166 [ 31 Jan 2004, 10:24 ]
Post subject: 
You are going to force me to clean my attic arent you ? Did my wife put you up to this ?

By this time tomorrow I shall have gained either a pearage or Westminster Abbey........Nelson
Author:  bigross86 [ 31 Jan 2004, 11:15 ]
Post subject: 
No, but a little cleaning can come up with a lot of surprises. Maybe you'll find some 30mm shells you'll wanna give away (hint hint...)

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI
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