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Sent to me by a friend of mine who flies for AA and former lawndarter.
Subject: About Pilots
The only three things a wingman should ever say are
1. Two's up.
2. Lead, you're on fire.
3. I'll take the fat chick.
....and in a multi-place aircraft, there are only three things the
copilot should ever say :
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take the fat chick.
As a new copilot, I was told to say these three things, and otherwise
keep my mouth shut and not touch anything :
1. Clear on the right.
2. Outer (marker) on the double (indicator)
3. I'll eat the chicken.
(Crew meals consisted of one steak and one chicken to avoid possible
food poisoning of the cockpit crew).
About Pilots
1. As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want...
As long as it's right... And we'll let you know if it's right after
you get down.
2. You can't fly forever without getting killed.
3. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them
is:
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is
your last flight in an airplane.
b. One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it
is your last flight in an airplane..
4. Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely
guarantee abnormal engine noises and vibrations.
5. There are Rules and there are Laws. The rules are made by men who
think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. The
Laws (of Physics) were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes
should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.
6. More about Rules
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better
idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance.
(e.g., if you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)
7. The pilot is the highest form of life on earth.
8. The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and
aggressiveness.
9. About check rides;
a. The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and
get the bastard out of your airplane.
b. It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee
couldn't care less what the examiner's opinion of his flying ability really
is.
10. The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation
profession.
11. The job of the chief pilot is to worry incessantly that his career
depends solely on the abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes
without mishap and that their only minuscule contribution to the effort
is to bet their lives on it.
12. Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the
pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of
the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over I know of no such
expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.
13. It is absolutely imperative that the pilot be unpredictable.
Rebelliousness is very predictable.
In the end, conforming almost all the time is the best way to be
unpredictable.
14. He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a
pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.
15. If you're gonna fly low, do not fly slow! ASW pilots know this
only too well.
16. It is solely the pilot's responsibility to never let any other
thing touch his aircraft.
17. If you can learn how to fly as a private pilot and not forget how
to fly by the time you're a seasoned airline transport pilot, you
will have lived a happy life.
18. About night flying
a. Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.
b. On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker's
light.
c. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at
night.
d. If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the
weather so you can double count your exposure to both
hazards.
e. Night formation is really an endless series of near misses
in equilibrium with each other.
f. You would have to pay a lot of money at a lot of amusement
parks and perhaps add a few drugs, to get the same blend of
psychedelic sensations as a single engine night weather flight.
19. One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the
skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the
pilot's attention.
20. At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors,
maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill
you and your job is to not let them!
21. The concept of \"controlling\" airspace with radar is just a form of
FAA sarcasm directed at pilots to see if they're gullible enough to swallow
it. Or to put it another way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot anyone down?
22. Remember that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box for
the pilot. Sometimes the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.
23. It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the preeminence of flying
in the hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to control
aviators via threats always threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.
24. Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still works
the same old way but hopefully your instructor never taught you \"pull stick
back, plane go up\".
25. Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the Natops Manual is one of
the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.
26. A tactic done twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability
discussion above)
27. The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another
flight by that particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear
likely, there are no G-limits.
28. One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the
quality of the social experience.
29. If a mother has the slightest suspicion that her infant might grow
up to be a pilot, she had better teach him to put things back where he got
them.
30. The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams
of the countless millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare
skyward and wish.
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