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HOW TO ATTACK A SNAKE - MILITARY STYLE, or, The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)

1. Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.

2. Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.

3. Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.

4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure.

5. Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.

6. Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e., cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.

7. Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel settlement upon return.

8. Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how too properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.

9. Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALS kill Muslim extremist snakes.

10. Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.

11. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.

12. Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.

13. Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.

14. Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.

15. Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)

16. Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, and delivers two weeks after due date.

17. F-15 pilot: misidentifies snake as enemy MI-24 Hind helicopter and engages with missiles. Crew chief paints snake kill on aircraft.

18. F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but get direct hit on Embassy 100 KM East of snake due to weather (Too Hot also Too Cold, Was Clear but too overcast, Too Dry with Rain, Unlimited Ceiling with Low Cloud Cover etc.) Claims that purchasing multi-million dollar, high-tech snake-killing device will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs.

19. AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infrared. Infrared only operable in desert AOs without power lines or SAMs.

20. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake builds bonfire, pops smoke, lays out VS 17 to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into fire.

21. B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.

22. Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use weapons.

23. Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only four of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.

24. Coast Guard (USCG): Chases snake. Fires shot across snake's bow. Boards snake and detains it. Sends it to foreign snake impoundment camp at Guantanamo Bay.

25. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.

Hahaha and my favorite addition compliments of my kid Brother!

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\"A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week. \"

George S. Patton

Fun
Number 5, 9 and 11 are really great.
But no how A-10 pilot kill a snake.

Maybe is this for us to brainstorm about it.
This is mine and most of you can do better than this.

A-10 Pilot: Fly over it, snake attack plane with spitting his poison. A-10 get damage, but fly over again and strike it with his big gun! Nobody found the snake again.

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73-1664

During A-10's treetop pass, snakes passes it and comes under Gau-8 sights.

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\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

Or...
As A-10 approaches snake, pilot opens canopy, reaches out and grabs snake, snake bites pilot, pilot dops snake, snake goes into engine, causing an engine fire, pilot \"jettison's\" engine! Snake dies upon engine's impact with the ground, but......

Pilot is pissed and returns with a stafing run and empties ammo drum on smoldering engine.

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\"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a GAU-8/A at your side, kid.\"--Hawg Solo

28. Geraldo Rivera will reveal when, where, & how a raid on the snake's lair will take place on FOX News.

Later on he'll be embedded with a convoy that will be attacked by one snake & he'll freak like it was being ambushed by every snake in Iraq.

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This is funny shit!