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1. I can kill you quickly if you'd like.
2. Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch, but unless you take the time to start the engines or get an outside power source, it only lasts for a few minutes.
3. Airplanes don't get mad if you 'touch and go.' You just have to have a really good approach.
4. Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection, but then, they don't have to rely on the pilots to be ready to fly.
5. Some pilots can't tell when they are flying a fighter, and when they are flying a cargo.
6. Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation. But of course, it's only useful if the pilot READS the manual.
7. Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits, and a load master or two to keep them there.
8. Airplanes can be flown any time of the month, except for the multiple monthly, annual and perennial maintenance and inspection times, or when they are flat broke.
9. Airplanes don't come with in-laws, but they sure come with plenty of regs!
10. Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you have flown before. A bad landing is a bad landing, no matter how much experience you have.
11. Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time, assuming the pilot does the job right.
12. Airplanes don't complain if you hose them down. They're just glad you cleaned up the mess you made of them.
13. Airplanes don't mind if you like to look at other airplanes. They know you don't have the type-rating to fly it anyway.
14. Airplanes can get high without throwing up. It's when the pilot can't keep it steady that problems arise.
15. Airplanes expect to be tied down. It's the only way to keep them around.
16. Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills. They let the sounds, vibrations and your own fear do the talking.
17. Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong, like when you're throttles aren't in perfect sync, or a tie-down strap is loose, or your HF radio is on, or off, if you are flying on a Tuesday, if the moon is out, or if it's day, or...
18. However, when airplanes go quiet, just like a woman, it's a bad thing. Except when flying a glider. Quiet is when it's fun!
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