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Internationally accepted rules for male behaviour
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Author:  44hollowpoint [ 12 May 2005, 05:55 ]
Post subject: 
Don't think this is a re-post...

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless at rugby, and your biltong is getting wet, then for the eating period only it is permissible.

2 . It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.

3 . Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his mates.

4 . Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12
hours.

5 . If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you
actually marry her.

6 . Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. However Complain
at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7 . No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.

8 . On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9 . When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the
game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you
trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's
officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical
beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in
the nuts.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they
demonstrate knowledge of the game (can explain offside or LBW) and the ability to
drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to
fight.

18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both that's
just greedy.

19. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of
beer.

20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a mate of yours, except if she's
withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both
waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the
conversation you need.

23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to
have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal 'drunken
monkey sex', the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to
nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was, occurs.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved
me, you'd know what I want!" gets a Play station II. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.


"I can just punch holes in paper for sooo long before I want to see something blow up/fall down "
- Boomer 5th May 2005
Author:  30mike-mike [ 12 May 2005, 06:49 ]
Post subject: 
<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle> >must breathe< <img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...." - Carl Zwanzig
Author:  TheBigThug [ 12 May 2005, 07:42 ]
Post subject: 
<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>24. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal 'drunken
monkey sex', the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to
nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was, occurs. <hr height=1 noshade id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote></font id=quote><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size=2 id=quote>


Man i have been there way to ofton in my life.....

"The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies, to chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth, to see their near and dear bathed in tears, to ride their horses and sleep on the white bellies of their wives and daughters."
-Genghis Khan
Author:  bigross86 [ 12 May 2005, 09:00 ]
Post subject: 
The Men's List:

Finally, the guys side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!


*Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI
Author:  tomas [ 12 May 2005, 10:42 ]
Post subject: 
<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/smiley_salute.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/smiley_salute.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/smiley_salute.gif border=0 align=middle>

im sure this is a kind or repeat but still some great ones

the object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his

Edited by - tomas on May 12 2005 09:43 AM
Author:  Racegal8 [ 12 May 2005, 12:45 ]
Post subject: 
<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle> <img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle> <img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle> These are great!!!!

" When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!"
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