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Chuck Norris CAS
https://warthogterritory.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=10897		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  hawgstruck [ 08 Jul 2006, 20:06 ]
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Not sure how many of you have seen these...but I don't care WHO you are...this is funny stuff! More to follow. Enjoy.


A few facts you might not know about Mr. Norris:

Chuck Norris only does Air to ground Maverick Boresights on SA-20 sites.

Chuck always uses Fuel Flows override and briefs the Engine Hot Lights are an indicator of Max Thrust.

Mr. Norris does not use Risk Estimate Distances because “Frag tastes Good”

Chuck uses Chuckmax and Chuckmin for artillery deconfliction.

Chuck may eject during a CSAR over the survivor to expedite the recovery.

Chuck Norris does not need an AO update and he will strafe the JTAC’s position if told to read back ANYTHING.

The Chuck Norris fighter check-in is as follows: “Chuck Norris checking in, I’m cleared hot.”

The only initials Chuck Norris needs are his own. He IS the ground commander.

Chuck Norris once ejected from a perfectly good jet just so he could punch the SA-8 operator in the face for not following his T.O.

Chuck does not use WP rockets, he eats white phosphorus for breakfast.

Chuck typically marks targets with kamikaze predators he controls with his IPOD.

Chuck burned down the entire city of Indian Springs when a predator shot a hellfire through his block

Chuck was given a run in restriction….once

Chuck dropped a MOAB off station 6 on the CAOC for using “CAS” and “B-52” in the same sentence.

Chuck can mensurate coordinates with the #2 needle and canopy references but only uses it to pass the location of wingmen that miss a check in.

PILSUNG!

"A fighter without a gun . . . is like an airplane without a wing."
-Brigadier General Robin
Author:  jackb [ 08 Jul 2006, 23:10 ]
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That's good stuff. My favorite Chuck Norris jokes are:
-Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin behind his beard, he has another fist.
-In his spare time, Chuck Norris likes to hug babies. And by hug I mean roundhouse kick to the face. And by babies I mean YOU!
-Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. And by then it was his 3rd girl
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

God there are millions more. They are the funniest thign in the world.

Assault is a type of behavior, not a type of rifle.
Author:  Skuz9c1 [ 09 Jul 2006, 08:02 ]
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my fav:

"When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesnt push himself up, he pushes the Earth down."
Author:  kchawg [ 22 Jul 2006, 15:42 ]
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Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris!

Asleep at the switch? I wasn't asleep, I was drunk! --Homer
Author:  Weasel_80-204 [ 23 Jul 2006, 23:02 ]
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No no no. Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits!

You might be a "Bulldog" if: You bend over and grab your ankles when you hear: "EXERCISE, EXERCISE, EXERCISE!"
Author:  M21 Sniper [ 15 Aug 2006, 00:37 ]
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Chuck Norris doesn't fear death. Death fears Chuck Norris.

<img src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b343/m21sniper/HogTeethabstract.jpg" border=0>
<b>"US Snipers...Providing surgical strikes since 1776"</b>
Author:  Hawg166 [ 15 Aug 2006, 17:22 ]
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Chuck Norris is a fag. <img src=icon_smile_big.gif border=0 align=middle>

"By this time tomorrow I shall have gained either a peerage or Westminster Abbey !" Nelson the Immortal Memory
Author:  Weasel_80-204 [ 16 Aug 2006, 00:35 ]
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Chuck Norris once played 18 holes of golf using a 12 inch strip of rebar and a sun dried tomato. He shot a 54.

On the Asian market, Chuck Norris' urine is worth $400 per fluid ounce.

See spot. See spot run. See spot get round house kicked in the face by Chuck Norris.

The agent of Chuck Norris asked Chuck if he wanted to be in Brokeback Mountain. Chuck Norris' agent has been missing for almost 2 years now. Never ask Chuck Norris to be in a gay cowboy movie.

Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.

One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

You might be a "Bulldog" if: You bend over and grab your ankles when you hear: "EXERCISE, EXERCISE, EXERCISE!"
Author:  M21 Sniper [ 16 Aug 2006, 01:18 ]
Post subject: 
Chuck Norris gets more ass than a toilet seat.

<img src="http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b343/m21sniper/HogTeethabstract.jpg" border=0>
<b>"US Snipers...Providing surgical strikes since 1776"</b>
Author:  jackb [ 16 Aug 2006, 05:39 ]
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<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote> One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote></font id=quote><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size=2 id=quote>
<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>
I've heard that one, but forgt all about it. One of the best!

Assault is a type of behavior, not a type of rifle.
Author:  44hollowpoint [ 16 Aug 2006, 05:55 ]
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+1

All of them made me laugh, but that one caused loss of bodily functions.

You're born, you keep your head down and you die. If you're lucky...
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