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Just in case you need a laugh:
https://warthogterritory.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=12719		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  proud papa [ 14 Jun 2008, 17:12 ]
Post subject:  Just in case you need a laugh:
Just in case you need a laugh:
Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school
diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our
jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe
sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P)
and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the best one for last
*



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Author:  gifted [ 15 Jun 2008, 09:11 ]
Post subject: 
I'd read these as coming from an Australian small plane airport.
Author:  Ice Pirate [ 16 Jun 2008, 22:09 ]
Post subject: 
When did UPS start putting \"Targeting Radars\" in their planes?!?!? :shock:
Author:  Coach [ 18 Jun 2008, 16:00 ]
Post subject: 
It's been a while since UPS flew aircraft with engines that could \"miss\"...these have been around the net for a while.
Author:  HogDog [ 19 Jun 2008, 03:42 ]
Post subject: 
Hey Ice Pirate-
UPS started putting targeting radars in their planes when they started targeting DHL's freight!! :roll:

(For those of you that haven't heard, UPS just made a deal with DHL to start being the sole air carrier for DHL freight in the U.S.)

Isn't that kinda like GM using Ford car-carriers?? Something is just wrong there!!
Author:  mark59 [ 19 Jun 2008, 12:10 ]
Post subject: 
\"UPS started putting targeting radars in their planes when they started targeting DHL's freight!! \"

Yup, my brother in law is losing his job as a result.
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