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Two things before we start…

One) I’m talking about a Donner Kebab, not a Shish Kebab. Donner Kebabs are more popular in the UK and are made up of slices of re-constituted meat that are cut off a bit lump on a rotating spit and then put into a pita bread usually with lots of chilli sauce.

They look like this.

<img src="http://www.fullyauto.demon.co.uk/kebab.jpg" border=0>

You would never eat one sober, but they are excellent food for British Drunks…

Two) Tim, who is the main character in this story hadn’t had a shag for months and was as horny as hell…

So going back 17 years…

Four of us left the computer company we worked for in England and moved to take well paying contractor jobs in Scotland.

We all crashed in one house until we one, by one we bought our own places.

Once the last guy got his own place we decided to have our own version of Independence Day and celebrate not having to smell each other’s stale farts in the morning…

So we went out on the piss in the local town, a charming place called Falkirk.

We had a few drinks and threw a few shot glasses into a few fireplaces, tried to roller skate whilst too drunk to walk and then all shared a taxi back to the village we all lived in.

Doug and Darren had their pads on one side of the village and when the taxi stopped me and Tim jumped out and went into the local kebab shop (Four in One) to get something to soak up the alcohol.

So out we came with a kebab each, all the trimmings and an extra helping of thermo-nuclear chilli sauce, got back into the taxi and finished the ride home.

We lived almost opposite each other so we did the usual drunk bloke (and in no way homo-erotic) routine of standing in the middle of the road, punching each other’s shoulder and saying things like “you’re my best mate” and “you’re a diamond geezer” and then went home for some kip.

Being 20 meant I could be up and about early even after a serious skin full so I was already up when Tim called on the phone.

We went through last night and how drunk we all got but I could tell by the sound of his voice he wanted to get something off his chest.

The call continued like this…

“Did we get anything to eat last night” asked Tim,

“Yes mate, we got a kebab each, why?”

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter”

“Go on tell me”

After a long pause...

“Well I woke up this morning and I had chilli sauce all over my knob and I can’t find the fucking kebab anywhere!”

Stunned silence from me...

Tim continued...

“I hope to God I ate it and then wanked myself to sleep and didn’t shag the fucking thing and then eat it.”...




"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

maaaaaan that'a whole nuther level of horney beyond what I have ever been ROFL <img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

"We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us". George Orwell

Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel !
<img src="http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ac/atengun2X.GIF" border=0>

_________________
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>That is really sick!!!!! UGH!!!!!<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

American by birth, Southern by the grace of God
Better to have it & not need it then to need it & not have it

LMFAO...

The best part is, that's one episode that'll continue to cause him to lose sleep for years whenever it's mentioned.

Awesome.

"The first thing you learn in life is you're a fool. The last thing you learn is you're the same fool. Sometimes I think I understand everything. Then I regain consciousness."
- Ray Bradbury

<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><wiping tears from eyes>

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...." - Carl Zwanzig

_________________
\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

Ah, I love drunk people... girls especially...

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI

<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>
now thats horny!

..reminds me that the local health authority closed down some kebab shops in my neighbourhood. It was said they added something, hmmm, to the sauce that doesn´t belong there. Something human, which you cant get from a girl ..ehem. I dont eat kebab no more, thats for sure!

"Did you know? You can use your old motor oil to fertilize your lawn! -- Environmental Protection Agency."

_________________
\"My name's Pitt, and you ain't talkin' your ass outta this shit.\"

<img src=newicons/anim_puke.gif border=0 align=middle> And I don't eat fish sandwiches with tartar sauce from fast food places, either!

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...." - Carl Zwanzig

_________________
\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

Well what can I say , but Did the kebab taste nice ???

seems to be a nice "pukin-memory" for ya, MM...<img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>

I still cant drink "Apfelkorn" which is a german booze made from apples becauce I puked my guts out after having too much back when I was 15 or 16 years old... If I just smell it I run away! <img src=newicons/anim_puke.gif border=0 align=middle>


"Did you know? You can use your old motor oil to fertilize your lawn! -- Environmental Protection Agency."

_________________
\"My name's Pitt, and you ain't talkin' your ass outta this shit.\"

<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

44, that could be the funniest thing I read on this forum so far.

Glad some of you good folks enjoyed this, but the real tributes must go to Tim.

I wasn't joking about the heat of this chilli sauce. It would probably make Trit sit up and take notice.

To sleep all night with this stuff smeared on your manhood doesn't even bear thinking about.

So my mate was either pissed to the point of total nervous system shutdown or had a bell-end tough enough to take about 3,000 degrees C.


"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

YEOWWWWW!!!! Man you got that right 44hollowpoint<img src=icon_smile_shock.gif border=0 align=middle>

American by birth, Southern by the grace of God
Better to have it & not need it then to need it & not have it

<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle> wow thats just bad......can only imagine the teasing for the rest of his life <img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle> <img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

"Courage is knowing what not to fear."
~Plato~

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\"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives\"