WT Forums

Dear Santa

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.

YeR FReND,
BiLLy


Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in trash disposal.
How about I send you a f***ing dictionary so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell!

P.S. Have your mother start calling you Rain Man!

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,
Sarah


Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together.

Please see what you can do.

Love,
Teddy


Dear Teddy,

What, like your dad's going to quit banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane? Tell you mom to lose some weight and I'll talk to your daddy. Let me give you some nice Legos in the meantime and let's see if you can build up a family with those.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joe's, a dog, a drumkit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,
Francis


Dear Francis,

I'll tell you what, I'll send you a round trip ticket to the North Pole so when you get here I can kick sense into your f***in head. Who names their kid "Francis " anyway. I bet you're gay. I'll send you the Village People album instead.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love,
Susan


Dear Susan,

Milk gives me diarrhoea and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be nice for Santa?
Leave me a bottle of Johnny Walker and some Toblerone and tell your mom to wait up.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making Toys?

Your friend,
Thomas


Dear Thomas,

All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where I spendmost of my time squeezing cocktail waitresses' and losing money at the poker table.
And then one day a year, I send toys to all you little f**kers!

Santa


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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love,
Jessica


Dear Jessica,

Are you really that stupid? I hope my reindeer crash into your window and trample your family in their sleep for having such a stupid child!
I'm skipping your house.

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy


Timmy,

That whiney, begging may work with your folks, but that don't fly up here. You're getting a King Cobra instead. He likes it when you pat his head.

Santa

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Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love,
Marky


Mark,

First of all, stop calling yourself "Marky," that's why you're getting beaten up in school.
Second, you don't live in a house you live in a low-rent apartment complex in town. I will mail your mom some crack the week before christmas and she will leave me a key.

I am sending you food stamps for christmas

Your friend,
Santa.



"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

there great where did you find those letters?

the object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his

Somebody at the office emailed them to me.

I feel about laughing when I read the puppy one. No you can't have one but here's a King Cobra, they like it when you pat them on the head...

That's my sort of humour...

"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

same here got more?

the object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his

<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

Classic...

“Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.” Benjamin Franklin, 1759

<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

"One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly."
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor.

Love,
Susan


Dear Susan,

Milk gives me diarrhoea and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be nice for Santa?
Leave me a bottle of Johnny Walker and some Toblerone and tell your mom to wait up.

Santa <hr height=1 noshade id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote></font id=quote><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size=2 id=quote>

Holy shit if that isnt one of his classic lines! I think I flew with that dude!

Damn im Getting a resume up to the Artic NAACP!

"The power to Destroy the planet, is insignifigant to the power of the Air Force----Mudd Vader

<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle> they were great, you are right 44hollowpoint i like the king cobra one the best too!

_________________
\"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives\"

I've just read it again and it still cracks me up.

Thanks for the kind words of support you're making me <img src=icon_smile_blush.gif border=0 align=middle>...

Now perhaps Mudd'll forgive me for the Cows with Guns post.

"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

I don't care what Mudd says, the 'Cows with Guns' was funny. <img src=icon_smile_tongue.gif border=0 align=middle>

“Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.” Benjamin Franklin, 1759

Cows with guns was a HUGE hit in govt worker land at Hill AFB.

"face it....perhaps your only purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others!"