WT Forums

Now I think this is bull, as from my limited deep sea diving knowledge(our company works in the North Sea and off the North coast of Russia, so seriously cold places) most divers working at depth have heated dry suits.

BUT if it's true, it's funny...

A true story...

This is even funnier when you realize it's real!  Next time you have a bad
day at work, think of this guy.  Rob is a commercial saturation diver for
Global Divers in Louisiana.  He performs underwater repairs on offshore
drilling rigs.  Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister.  She then sent it
to radio station 103.2 FM in Ft.  Wayne, Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst
job experience contest.  Needless to say, she won.

Hi Sue, Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.  Last week I
had a bad day at the office.  I know you've been feeling down lately at
work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize
it's not so bad after all.

Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few
technicalities of my job.  As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the
sea.  I wear a suit to the office.  It's a wetsuit.  This time of year the
water is quite cool.  So, what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel
powered industrial water heater.  This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the
water out of the sea.  It heats it to a delightful temperature.  It then
pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air
hose.

Now this sounds like a pretty good plan, and I've used it several times with
no complaints.  What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is
take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit.  This floods my
whole suit with warm water.  It's like working in a Jacuzzi..

Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch.
So, of course, I scratched it.  This only made things worse.  Within a few
seconds my butt started to burn.  I pulled the hose out from my back, but
the damage was done.  In agony I realized what had happened.

The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. 
Now, since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to
it.

However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into the crack of my butt.  I informed the dive supervisor of my
dilemma over the communicator.  His instructions were unclear due to the
fact that he, along with five other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

Needless to say I aborted the dive.  I was instructed to make three
agonizing in-water decompression stops totalling thirty-five minutes before
I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression.  When I
arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet.

As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running
down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as
soon as I got in the chamber.

The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my butt
was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it
would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.  Now repeat to
yourself - "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."


"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

Noone I repeat noone sucks worse than that guy.

By this time tomorrow I shall have gained either a pearage or Westminster Abbey........Nelson

_________________
YGBSM !

FROM THE SNOPES WEBSITE:

Claim: A commercial diver suffers when forced to share his wetsuit with a jellyfish.
Status: Undetermined.

Example: [Collected on the Internet, 1998]


FYI - The "Brian" in the following letter is the son of a Boeing Computer Systems employee.
The letter is going to his sister and he is a commercial diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana. I'm sorry but his experience should not be in vain. I must share this with the world. Excuse the language and forward as you feel appropriate. Anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember this letter . . . True story.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

April, 1998

Hi Sue,

<b>INSERT 44'S POST HERE:</b>
-------------------------------------------------------------

Origins: This snippet of e-lore began its life on the Internet in October 1998. Whether it's an honest account or not is more difficult to determine than its date of origin, though. A number of the details provided argue against its being anything other than an inventive piece of fiction, so the textual claim of "true story" should be taken with a grain of sea salt.

An outfit by the name of Global Divers does operate out of Louisiana. They specialize in deepwater diving, underwater welding technology, and subsea completions. However, those knowledgeable about diving have pointed out that technical divers working in deep water wear dry suits (or even hot water suits for very deep dives), not wetsuits. (A wetsuit is open and allows water to circulate between it and the diver's body. A dry suit seals at the wrist and neck and prevents water from entering.) "Brian's" claim to have been wearing a wetsuit while engaged in a dive so deep that it required three "water stops" (slang for "in-water decompression stops") on the way back up to prevent the bends is therefore suspect.

Should you believe this particular tale about a diver with a jellyfish up his arse? Probably not, but on the other hand there's no harm in enjoying it.

Barbara "jelly babied" Mikkelson

Last updated: 24 April 2000




The URL for this page is http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/diver.htm

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...." - Carl Zwanzig

_________________
\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

For once I spotted a duff story...

Do I get a prize..?

"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

having had the priviledge of working around divers and physicians who treat them as a paramedic I can not think of a worse job. The gases they breath and the bends often lead to brain damage. Not at liberty du e to confidentiality to tell some to the stories I have heard but I can not imagin a more dangerous job.

Funny story, but perhaps Snopes should be on the case? Been stung by enough jellyfish to know they can stick to you without the aid of body hair.

"Brave martyr dove off a roof and tried to bring down an A-10 by getting juiced in the right engine"

_________________