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<i>A husband walks into Frederick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.

He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself."

So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

He never heard the shot.

Funeral services are pending.
</i>

oh my, oh my lololol

Fighting For Justice With Brains Of Steel !
<img src="http://publish.hometown.aol.com/boomer0400/images/fal_avatar.jpg" border=0>

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The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

My God, Men: Watch-What-You-Say.

LOL!

<i><b>porn, lot's of porn ;P</b></i>
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If he'd been married long enough that her "landscape" had changed, and still said that, he deserved it!<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...." - Carl Zwanzig

_________________
\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

"Courage is knowing what not to fear."
~Plato~

_________________
\"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives\"

Male triplets are born and from that moment on they are as close as any brothers can be.

They go to the same school, start dating at the same time, pass their driving tests at the same time and go drinking together. They are completely inseparable.

It seems only right that when they have all got long term partners that they should all get married at the same time.

A three way service is arranged and of course all three newly wedded couples go on honeymoon to the same hotel.

When the manager finds out about this unique event he gives them all adjoining suites on the top floor.

Now all these boys have been bought up right, so tonight is going to be the first time any of them has seen a woman naked.

In the first room, the first brother’s wife slips of her wedding gown and underwear for her new husband.

He takes one look and can’t stop him self from exclaiming

“My God, those are the biggest tits I’ve ever seen in my life. There are cows on the farm with smaller udders..!”

His wife is distraught and tells him to sleep on the balcony and out he goes.

Next door the second brother’s wife is also undressing, and when she is revealed for the first time he shouts…

“Good Lord, look at the size of your ass. I’ve seen smaller rears on a Buick!”

And he joins his brother on the balcony.

The two brothers are offering each other comfort and swapping notes when they hear a commotion coming from the last room.

Then the third brother arrives on the balcony.

“Ah,” says the middle brother, “did you put your foot in it as well?”

“No,” he replies “But I could have done..”


"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

Jeez! I actually choked after I read that last one!
A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafé". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafé jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson&Hedges" Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson&Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size" She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways." Mom fainted.
======================================================================

You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don't want to go to war!


"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI

<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote> You know the world's gone mad when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the USA of arrogance and the Germans don't want to go to war!<hr height=1 noshade id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote></font id=quote><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size=2 id=quote>

<img src=newicons/bounce.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_bannana.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

LMFOA...

"A .44 magnum beats 4 Aces everytime..."

BR you are so right on that. <img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

By this time tomorrow I shall have gained either a pearage or Westminster Abbey........Nelson

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YGBSM !

One does one's best...

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI

Two twin brothers had fallen in love and proposed to twin sisters. For convenience, they decided to have their weddings simultaneously and honeymoon at the same resort. These twin brothers were identical in everyway, save one: While the slightly older brother was a total ladies' man, a rake, promiscuous to the core, the slightly younger had saved his virginity to his wedding bed.

Before the brothers retired to their respective nuptual chambers, the experienced brother turned to his innocent sibling and offered a challenge:

"We should keep track of how many times we make love to our brides tonight, and see who has the greater endurance. The challenge ends at dawn."

The brothers agreed, and the experienced brother took his bride to bed, quickly took her once, and chalked a verticle line on the headboard to represent his congress. After a few moments of foreplay, he found he was able to satiate her once again, marking a second tally. Then, after some time of cuddling, he mustered up the last of his strength, had his way one last time, made a third mark in a row, rolled over, and went to sleep.

Dawn came all too soon, and his younger brother threw open the door and came bursting into the room. Huffing and puffing, completely breathless, the brother looked at the headboard and exclaimed in shock and disbelief before collapsing in exhaustion to the floor:

"One hundred and eleven?!!! You beat me by <i>THREE!</i>"



Why is it the biggest fools of most April Fools' jokes are the implementers?

<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

"Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together...." - Carl Zwanzig

_________________
\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

LOL!!! I like, I like!

"Retreat, hell! We just got here!"-Captain Lloyd Williams, 2nd Marine Division, Belleau Wood, France, WWI

Cute horrido thats a good one! <img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

"Courage is knowing what not to fear."
~Plato~

_________________
\"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives\"

Horrido, that's a keeper!

Next batchelor party I go to, I'm sharing it.


Edited by - Tritonal-05 on Apr 12 2005 2:53 PM