WT Forums

I'm afraid I identify with more of these than I'd care to admit.

>DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained heirloom piece you were drying.
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>WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."
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>ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.
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>PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
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>HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
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>VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to further round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
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>OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub you want the bearing race out of.
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>WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.
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>HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
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>EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off of a trapped hydraulic jack handle.
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>TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires.
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>E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps off in bolt holes you couldn't use anyway.
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>TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the tensile strength on everything you forgot to disconnect.
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>CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large prybar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.
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>AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.
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>TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, it's main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.
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>PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
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>AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were last over tightened 50 years ago by someone at Ford, and neatly rounds off their heads.
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>PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.
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>HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses too short.
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>HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.
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>MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
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>DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need.

Some days it's hardly worth chewing through the restraints

ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!! Especialy the last one, having been there done that with many of the previous ones.<img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

The Second Amendment: America's original homeland security.
Ya just can’t take life too seriously, because you aren’t going to get out of it alive anyway.

_________________
\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

Jeeze that's funny! Been skewered by a wire wheel wire more times than I would like to count lol

A 45 has a muzzle.
A 9mm has a bullet vent.

_________________
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

you still have fingers to count with?<img src=icon_smile_shock.gif border=0 align=middle> Aren't you the fortunate one!<img src=icon_smile_wink.gif border=0 align=middle>

The Second Amendment: America's original homeland security.
Ya just can’t take life too seriously, because you aren’t going to get out of it alive anyway.

_________________
\"Those who hammer their guns into plows
will plow for those who do not.\"
- Thomas Jefferson

THE TABLE SAW, the tool used for ripping wood to width for those very tight glue joints and exact sizing of the wood.
The tool that usually hits a Knot, breaks apart throwning the board backwards at the speed of "LIGHT!" into the nearest window or wall.
The tool is also great for making your cuts 1/8 shorted than you wanted after either, 1. you didnt measure on the rightside of the blade to compensate that,2. the fence slips while tigthening it down or 3. You hit a nail, kicks the board back and now to hide your "Mistake" you make it Small scale.

The ROUTER, used to make TONS OF DUST, moldings that look like a Drunks driving path,and the Knot finder or nail not found before in the table saw.


The PLANE, used to smooth out edges on rough cuts, but Never seen one work its like "THE UFO TOOL" people tell you it works,and you have yet seen it done in person or able to do it.

THE MITER BOX, the saw that usually isnt wide enough for cutting your board to length,so you "Roll" the board up to finish the cut onlt to find out its still too short to finish.You flip over the wood try in vain to line up the cut to finish but still end up with an uneven cut.
Also good for not being the "Exact miter degree" for the cut. The joint doesnt match up so you use the following attachment
"Wood Putty OR Chaulk" TO HIDE THAT PROBLEM.


The list goes on!

<img src=newicons/anim_cussing.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_cussing.gif border=0 align=middle>


Goose

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
Benjamin Franklin,
(1706 - 1790)

_________________
\"Live Free Or Die\"

oh man dont talk to me about table saws, I will NOT use them anymore. I had a piece "backfire" out of one when I was cutting a 4x4x1/2" piece of particle board, hit me in the belly hard enough to make a bleeding( litteraly ) imprint right through a heavy shirt.

Routers, I'm one of the few ( only ) people I know who "freestyles" a router, taking the motor unit out of the base and holding it in my bare hands ( cause you get no feeling through gloves )lol . Used it to sculpt an oak gunstock and never had a problem with it, but I dont recommend doing that lolol.

A 45 has a muzzle.
A 9mm has a bullet vent.

_________________
The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Years Ago before I went into the Service, I worked in a Cabinet Shop for alittle bit, Plus I was already given a "Apprintaship" position to work to be a "Master Cabinet Maker" but Went in the USAF instead,

Any who, we were ripping 4x6 Oak down for a special order for the legs.
I was on the catching end and the Owner was feeding it, the pc was 6ft long and going pretty good and all of a suddened binded-up and that 4X6 made that Table "JUMP" due to the torque and Back Fed that board 15ft into a Glass window like a missle and went and hit the wall on the otherside.
Mr Peterson just about got "Creamed" by it.

The next week the shop got a New Commerical Saw with all the "Bells and whistles" and Bolted Down to the floor needles to say we were
VERY careful after that.

Goose

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
Benjamin Franklin,
(1706 - 1790)

_________________
\"Live Free Or Die\"

Damn, I have all of those tools.

They say that the only two things certain in life are death and taxes. I prefer them in that order.

I use too, only thing I do now is help Dad or I want something he comes down and makes the cuts etc..... We put it together or I do but it takes alot longer.

I do buy those "Klock-it Kits" already cut etc... just glue and stain or paint.Water based stains are a Great thing
Make good Presents etc... But I miss making my own Clocks from scratch.

My Granfather Clock is still sitting on a table with the "EX's"
good -bye marks (Ruined the movement, broke the Glass,scratched the finish) its 26 yrs old now and I plan to re-finish it and put a new
"Quartz Movement IN" instead of the Wind-up.
Just better plus no winding or weights and they can now drive the Movement so no-one would really know.Just put Weights in with out the lead.

Maybe this spring, the Beveled glass panels are going to be the real pain to replace, their 3ft long and 4" wide

Goose

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
Benjamin Franklin,
(1706 - 1790)

_________________
\"Live Free Or Die\"

LOL I was about 25 years old before I learned that hex wrenches were not actually named "dammit wrenches", as that is all my dad ever called them.

<BLOCKQUOTE id=quote><font size=1 face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" id=quote>quote:<hr height=1 noshade id=quote>DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need. <hr height=1 noshade id=quote></BLOCKQUOTE id=quote></font id=quote><font face="Verdana, Arial, Helvetica" size=2 id=quote>

aint that the truth!

"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten!"

_________________
\"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives\"

Try passing "Able Chief" at Sheppard AFB TX Tool Test,

Vise Grips,Phillips screwdriver,allen wrenches,regular screwdriver
cresent wrench
Not the answers they were looking for <img src=icon_smile_question.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/tard.gif border=0 align=middle><img src=newicons/anim_lol.gif border=0 align=middle>

Goose

They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.
Benjamin Franklin,
(1706 - 1790)

_________________
\"Live Free Or Die\"